Embrace the Paradox and Happiness Is Yours.

This is one of the most glorious and beautiful times of year in the Berkshires. I’m back on my bike, with eyes wide open now for bears and other dangers. Yet, I’m still in awe of the sheer beauty of this land, the flowers, trees, the colors, the fullness of the season, and the full out expression of nature!

It’s really a gift to be able to see and appreciate the physical world, the form that the formless takes. In the Tantric teachings, there are two realities that really are one. These consist of the essence, that never changes (Shiva), and the form or expression of the essence (Shakti), that always changes. The form is what we see and feel through our five senses: smell, taste, sight, touch, and hearing. The essence is more subtle and can be felt in our subtle body at levels deeper than the five senses. It’s kind of like a sixth sense, which is often described as the mind.

I immediately ask myself how is this relevant for my life? We know that Ashaya Yoga is about embracing the full spectrum of who we are – both light and shadow. Happiness depends on our ability to hold the paradox of these opposites. Our happiness can only reach as high as our ability to embrace our lowest lows. There’s no real happiness without sadness, no light without darkness, no beginnings without endings.

After my bear collision biking accident on July 2^nd, I’ve reflected on how it is that I’ve been able to heal so quickly. I’m not 100% yet, but I’m back to swimming, biking, cutting the grass, and doing all of the normal activities I love to do. I know it’s going to take another few weeks to fully heal and be out of pain (especially my ribs)! But as I’ve been able to fully embrace what happened to me, this set back has become the set up for a true come back!

We can’t control what cards life will deal us. But how we play these cards is what matters. I always say that fate is what’s given to us. Destiny is what we do with it. Our happiness is hidden inside of our ability to create our destiny.

The deepest Tantric teaching is that who we are in our essence, in our true being, is happiness, joy, bliss, Ananda.

That is unchanging. The Shiva Nataraja statue (Lord of the Cosmic Dance) exemplifies this teaching. Nataraja is so happy that he’s vibrating uncontrollably and dancing the eternal rhythms of the universe into existence. At the same time, with his arm crossing over his heart, Nataraja shows us that his heart is concealed, broken, depressed, in a state of confusion. He is ashamed. His other hand is in the Abhaya Mudra which means, “Have No Fear.” It’s as if he’s saying, “Hey, chill out, it’s supposed to be this way.” You are the living embodiment of the paradox, happiness and sadness.

The question to ask yourself is, “Am I happy?” Often, it’s really hard to answer yes if you’re dealing with the challenges in life, or if you’re in pain, physically or emotionally. In fact, it can be daunting and very discouraging to try to be happy when it feels like you’re falling apart. 

But here’s where the Tantric teachings can really help. If our true essence is happiness, then everything that happens at the surface of life is just what’s happening. Sooner or later, it will change. If we never dive below the surface of the constant waves of ups and downs, gladness and sadness, gain and loss, success and failure, then we’ll never know our true nature, which is unchanging. We have to go deeper.

When you’re connected to your essence, you feel nourished, full, safe, fulfilled, inspired, open, ready for more, in love with yourself and life. From this root connection, it’s easier to accept and embrace the pulsation of life at the surface.

After the accident, I felt sad when I couldn’t ride my bike. I had to heal, and I needed to give all my attention to getting better. But now that I’m back on my bike, I have so much gratitude and joy. My happiness never really waned for very long because I knew deep down that my sadness was just the other side of my joy. 

This realization inspired an insight: Maybe if you don’t feel happy, it’s not because you’re not happy. It’s because you haven’t embraced the polarity yet. What’s the polarity on the other side of happiness? Well, it’s different for everyone. But here are a few possibilities: sadness, grief, overwhelm, anxiety, worry, regret, jealousy, greed, fear, doubt, anger, disgust, victimhood, apathy, and resignation. Just list all of the negative emotions and you’ll probably find your particular “go-to” emotion. As soon as I embraced and accepted my sadness, my joy began to return. I had to be patient though.

I believe that we all want a happiness that’s sustainable over time.

We want longevity, consistency, trust through repetition so that we can return to happiness. We want to be able to rely on this truth when we’re feeling low. 

I believe there is an effective strategy for coming back to your happiness. Look for the power leak that is draining your happiness. Once you can identify it (without self-judgment or losing any self-respect), you’ll be able to work with it, accept it, embrace it, and finally understand it. Knowing how happiness works, you can cultivate the skills to secure the essence of your deepest being – happiness. 

It’s through the formal practice of sadhana that you come back to the essence, your heart, again and again. I know that sometimes you may not feel like practicing sadhana. That’s natural. But if you can allow yourself to resist the practice and then gently embrace that feeling of resistance, the motivation to practice will arise. Embrace the paradox. (And for those who feel that they can’t overcome their resistance to sadhana, I say, “Fake it till you make it.” You'll always feel better after the practice.)

May your practice be consistent, steady, and deep! Thank you so much for your dedication to Ashaya and to your own heart-journey. I’ll see you on the mat!

Namaste,

Todd

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