The Hallway’s a Bitch: The Tenacity of Tantra
I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “When one door closes, another door opens.” But what they don’t tell you is that the hallway’s a bitch!
The hallway is a place of self-discovery, self-reflection, transformation, and deep molecular change from the inside out. It’s kind of like the midline, madhya, the threshold where the universal and individual meet. But on the ground level of daily life, it’s the granular experience of not having it all together. It’s what it feels like to be in pain, to feel lost, brokenhearted, insecure, or disillusioned.
The hallway can be painful or joyful, lonely or scary. But if you stay with it and listen, it can also be deeply rewarding. It’s debatable, but Tantra might say that life itself is a hallway. Change is inevitable, which means doors are always closing and opening. To practice Tantra Yoga is to embrace change, accept what is, and learn to flow with it rather than fight against it.
"Life itself is a hallway"
We’re hardwired for survival. Fighting is what we’ve known for thousands of years of evolution. It’s how we survived. But just a reminder: we’ve evolved. Or have we?
When the body breaks down and pain rises up, we’ll do everything and anything we can to get out of it. This is natural. It’s built into our operator’s manual. I’ve been in a kind of hallway for the last several weeks as my body desperately tries to recover from prostate surgery. The surgery was successful, but what they didn’t tell me was that the recovery can be a bitch, too!
Apparently, some people develop a buildup of scar tissue, called strictures, in response to having a catheter. These can narrow or partially block the urethra.
A little anatomy:
Everyone has a urethra. I’m calling mine the “hallway” because it’s the tube that carries urine from the bladder out of the body. In women, the urethra is relatively short; in men, it’s considerably longer. Either way, it’s a pretty important passageway!
No one should have to think about peeing. It’s one of the most natural things the body does. But when there’s an obstruction, the bladder has to work extra hard to push urine out, which can put pressure on the urinary system and cause all kinds of problems. One solution is to insert a catheter through the urethra and into the bladder so the urine can drain freely into a bag.
As my body has tried to adjust to having a catheter in place, I’ve been in a lot of pain. Maybe some people get used to it, but apparently, my body isn’t one of them. Maybe it’s because I move so much throughout the day. From the moment I get out of bed, I’m doing yoga, taking care of my home and yard, looking after my health, and maintaining a pretty rigorous exercise regimen. Let’s just say that catheters and movement aren’t exactly a match made in heaven. All that movement creates irritation, which creates pain.
I’ve had numerous conversations with my doctors about the pain. In one conversation with a nurse today, we even discussed developing a Yoga-Friendly Catheter that would accommodate all kinds of yoga poses. She thought it was a brilliant idea and wanted in on the development team so we could make millions of dollars. I told her I’d work on it!
But seriously, this healing journey has brought me something else: gratitude.
I’m grateful for all the love you’ve been pouring into me and my healing. I’m grateful for the amazing efforts of the doctors and nurses who have tried to understand my nature and my predicament, offering solutions, medications, empathy, and wisdom to help me through this difficult bump in the road.
And it’s working! Thank you!
I’m feeling better, and by the time this blog goes out, the catheter should be removed. Then comes the next step: self-dilation to help keep the urethra open and avoid having to use a catheter again. The jury is still out on how this will go, but I’m confident I’ll find my way through.
One thing that has really landed for me is how exhausting it is to deal with pain day after day. It wears down the body, mind, and nervous system. I’m just not myself when I’m in pain. I can’t think straight. I become irritable, sad, and negative. It’s so much harder to remain optimistic.
I’m reminded of the path of radical affirmation: saying yes to life as it is, not just as we wish it would be. That’s relatively easy when things are going well. It becomes much more difficult—and perhaps more meaningful, more important, and more necessary—when we’re hurting.
For all of you who deal with pain on a regular basis, my heart goes out to you. I’m getting a little taste of what that can be like, and I have even more respect for what you go through. I want to say to you: Keep going. Don’t give up on yourself. There’s love here for you. I understand. I support you. I’m with you. And together, we’ll get through this.
It helps so much to have friends, family, and community to talk to during times like these. Life is full of cycles and seasons, with doors always closing and opening again. This is life. And Tantra? Tantra is engaging with what is, from wherever you happen to be. Even if that place is a hallway you’d really rather not be in!
We’re all perfectly imperfect, just as we are.
Some days, we meet life head-on. Other days, we feel stuck in the hallway. And some days, we might just need to laugh about the whole damn thing.
May you keep the faith and remember the bigger energy that holds us all. Life has your back, and so does your community. May you walk freely and gracefully through all the hallways on the path of your heart.
See you soon on the mat. Thank you for all your love!
Namaste,
Todd
Use Promo Code AZORESVIP by Oct 16.
Comments