Cozy Up to Kali: Goddess of Change
- Oct 15
- 5 min read
In the yoga world, I think Kali gets a bad rap. She’s dark, scary, vicious, and her tongue hangs out of her mouth. She wears a necklace of baby skulls, a belt of cut off arms and legs, and she holds a severed head that drips blood into a bowl – blood that she’ll drink later. Gruesome!
She is perfect for a Halloween haunted house!
However, there is a bright side to Kali. She represents a universe of possibility. Empty of concept and limiting beliefs, she is the pure potency of creation itself. She is dark, so drawn in and contracted, not even light can escape her. She embodies the fierce and intense longing for truth, and she’s not shy about slicing through our veils of ignorance or anything else that’s in the way. She has the capacity to remove whatever we’re ready to release, which ultimately, helps us see and accept the truth of what is, the perfection of the moment.
Kali’s darkness is like the fertile soil where we plant new seeds of intention.
She is the end of the exhalation before the next inhalation. I call that moment “Kali’s Gap,” the space before the next breath. Here in this space we can create a new intention, refresh, or repair any aspect of your life that feels broken. Kali is unlimited, infinite, vast, and full of the promise of freedom.
To align with Kali is to align with your heart.
Life is change. Change is life. Everything in the relative universe changes. In my experience, most suffering comes from resisting change, not wanting something to change, or wishing what is would change. Kali herself is change and she helps us embrace change, removing any resistance to what is.
In yoga iconography, Kali rides on the corpse of Shiva. He is in a state of complete and utter surrender. Even Shiva, the vast universe, must surrender to goddess Kali! Kali is that powerful. She represents our capacity to choose. Remember, we are co-participators in life. Fate is what’s given to us. Destiny is what we do with it. We must act and when we do, consequences will follow. It’s as if Kali is telling us to follow our heart, live fully, and accept the consequences of our actions. When we don’t like the consequences, or we see that our actions weren’t very skillful, we can change, make amends, and repair the relationship or the situation. Then let it go and move on.
In all of her terribleness, there’s a sweetness in Kali too.
In her longing for truth, she is supremely compassionate and accepting. She never judges anyone, for that would be a waste of time. She simply slices through judgment to get to the truth of what is.
The bottom line here is Kali represents the perfection of the moment. The universe doesn’t make mistakes. Therefore, you are not a mistake. Your life is not a mistake. Yes, we all make bad decisions once in a while. But I believe we’re all here to evolve, learn, and grow our wisdom. There are never any mistakes, only learning. A failure is not a defeat. It’s only a delay.
Waves of change arise constantly. You can’t stop change from happening. Fall is the season of change. Change is the language of reality. Change is especially obvious in relationship. In general, we want to manage the waves of change in a relationship to shape them into smaller waves that are easy to navigate. But every so often a big wave comes along – an argument, a disagreement, or something is said or done that is a catalyst for hurt.
If you ignore or suppress these larger waves, they tend to grow and become monster waves!
Learning how to surf the waves of relationship has been a primary focus for me because when you find your person, your true partner, the waves come to purify your heart. If both people are committed to do their inner work, then waves become a blessing in disguise.
Eventually, all couples need to deal with their monster waves. When the big wave comes, we are faced with two choices. We can decide to either get off the wave or surf it.
When you choose to surf the wave, you’ll always find that on the other side of the wave is a peaceful lagoon of love. Love deepens. Appreciation deepens. Insight arises that awakens the preciousness of your relationship. You begin to see all of the beautiful aspects of this person. You remember why you love them, and gratitude flows. This gratitude becomes the glue that creates an even deeper bond between you. Now you can clear away whatever was in the way that started the argument in the first place. This is change. This is growth. This is understanding. This is true love which endures infinitely.
The monster wave brings you face to face with Kali. You can either get off the wave and refuse to ride, or you can head straight into it. And if you do head straight in, brace yourself for the ride of your life!
After moving through a “monster wave,” Hallie and I were meditating next to each other. We just finished chanting the Kali mantra, “O Ma Kali Ma.” I had forgotten that the tree service was coming out to prune the trees near the house. Suddenly we heard the buzz of the chain saw. Hallie opened her eyes and in that moment, she saw a large branch fall off the tree right in front of the window.
Startled at first, we both jumped, then giggled at the absolute perfection of the moment. Here we were on the other side of a big wave, had just chanted to Kali, then heard “Kali’s buzz saw” severing limbs. The metaphor of releasing what no longer serves us was palpable. Pruning trees is a benefit to the tree. Pruning allows more light to shine through, which stimulates more positive growth in the tree. The same is true of us. In removing all of the “dead branches” – our old habits and limiting ways of thinking, that block the truth and joy from expanding – Kali helps us see the perfection of the moment. She’s not just cutting off heads of egos. She is pruning what no longer serves so that we can see clearly and become healthier, happier, and more productive human beings. So we can love fully and freely.
May you ride the big waves of life and allow them to come to shore. The waves of change will clear you out and take any debris out to sea to be released. Kali is that big, vast, ocean of change. May we have the courage to come close to her and through her fierceness, experience her sweetness!
See you on the mat!
Namaste,
Todd
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